Small, little big things of life

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

—Robert Brault

Had this quote forwarded yesterday and at what an apt time!

What I never believed in is:

• trying to appease people so that your selfish needs are met
• trying to comply just because you need to look good in people's eyes
• compete: I am what I am , comfortable in my skin
• consider materialistic things important

If I  was sure of one thing from my childhood, it was the importance of love and relationships.

All that I ever cared for is the perceptive unsaid love one has for one's own. Of love that gifts you what you need and not what they think you need, of love that knows exactly what you want, like, of what pains you and what gives you joy.

My birthday this time was exactly this: gifts of no great value, money-wise. They were all a series of small gestures, very thoughtful and which could come only on being very perceptive of the needs of people we love, things not expressed or asked but given, each one bringing that twinkle to the eye and a smile to the face.
That was my son who made this birthday so special.

Showing respect: the Indian way?

From an article in TOI
1. The 49-year-old, Gurgaon-based CEO of a software product company was in for a rude shock some months ago when one of his young employees peeped into his spacious cabin with a beaming smile and said: "Hey, your cabin's goddamn big... What fun man!" The irritated chief executive instantly summoned a senior hand, a 52-year-old, to check on what could be done about the cheeky geek. The senior executive told the CEO, "We have an army of such guys, how many can you reprimand? It's their style."

Another instant: 
2. A guy wrote an extremely anguished mail on a forum seeking suggestions when he found "an extremely junior and subordinate staff" address his boss by first name in her mail. He feels she should not have addressed someone very senior  (age and position) by first name. He wanted to know how he should advise or warn her to follow proper etiquette while addressing seniors?
(This was written in such atrocious grammar that had I reproduced it as it is, it would have been incomprehensible)

Another instant:  
3.  A well-known food blog says that unless you show respect by addressing as ji/garu/shri/shrimati/Mr./Mrs./Ms., your comments will be ignored...

What do you think of these instances?
If I was in the place of the CEO in the first instant, far from getting irritated, I would have smilingly waved him in and  invited him to explore the cabin as he seemed to have liked it so much. Why and for what he should be reprimanded is beyond me. He hasn't shown any disrespect towards me with those innocuous remarks. On the other hand, he has openly expressed that he liked the place. He might be considered disrespectful if there was an important meeting going on and he had intruded.
If only the seniors more experienced know how to harness this abundant energy of the youth without impeding their thought process, without ridiculing their ideas however implausible they seem, without denting  their self-esteem through discouragement, but work in unison by giving a positive direction to the yet-uncontaminated minds, they can achieve wonders.

In the second instance, I was quite befuddled by the query. What is the meaning of "an extremely junior and subordinate staff"?
A dictionary search threw this meaning for Junior: of lower rank or standing and this meaning for subordinate:  belonging to a lower order or rank/subservient or inferior. Do I infer then that being in a lower rank permits one to consider the person as being subservient or inferior? 
If the criterion for showing respect is age, then should I respect Osama who is older to me? And if the criterion is position, there is the once President of Uganda, Idi Amin. Again, I do not understand what did this person want to "warn" the subordinate about? Mind you, the content of the mail wasn't mentioned anywhere. So my assumption is that there was no issue there.

In the third instance, I do not understand how tagging the blogger with ji, or garu or Ms. or any other title portrays respect to the person.To be able to give a detailed and simple step-by-step guidance to cooking and to have so many clicks on the You-tube, is truly an amazing accomplishment and inspires respect for the work. But to demand ( "I expect and insist") respect through such tags takes away something.
I have read blogs by many senior citizens of India...people in their 60s and 70s who have hundreds commenting on their blogs and addressing them by their first name. (Zephyr and Gappa to name just two). I respect these really senior people, not because of their age but that despite their not-so-robust health and advancing years, their yearning to keep blogging and be able to keep up with the times (as evidenced in their writing on contemporary topics...topics which people of all ages can relate to).

On the personal side of relationships, in India, the touching of feet is considered the ultimate sign of obeisance. But then whose feet does one touch? Any person who is older to you or the one who inspires in you that reverence towards him/her? And looking at the way these Pairi Paunas (feet-touching) happen, I wonder whether they are paying their respect or playing out a farce. A quick 30 degrees bend forward and sometimes side-ways, your hand brushing against the legs just beneath the knees is Pairi Pauna? Personally, I don't allow anyone to touch my feet. I am not God I say, and am as imperfect as everyone else is.

'Respect' is 'to show regard or consideration for.' Every person's being, his space, feelings and thoughts deserve to be respected irrespective of his age, position or status.
Respect is a two-way street. Authoritarian ways never beget respect. One of my favorite authors in Telugu, Chalam, said that in a society that believed in the children being indebted to their parents, he proclaimed caring for and bringing up of children as the fundamental duty as parents. To all those parents who demand respect through unquestioned obedience, I ask:
If Ji/Garu are signs of respect then why Pithaji, aap but Ma, thum ( in Hindi) Nannagaru, meeru but Amma, nuvvu (in Telugu)?

Tabu, Nag and Love

Read news of Tabu getting married to one business man sometime early next year. A piece of gossip? Yes…but what really caused an interest is that the 40 year old has been in love with the 51 years Nag for the last 14 years!

When one thinks of marriage, one can only ruminate on what it means…no other living being is bound with such ties except the human being. Is it love that binds two in marriage? If yes, then why does one tire of the relationship? Nagarjuna was married once. I am not aware of the circumstance of his first marriage but the second one with Amala was surely one of love. Marrying her and bearing a child with her, what then drew him to Tabu while making the film “Ninne Pelladutha?”

A feeling of sympathy persists when you look at it from the wife’s perspective. The drama being drawn out in Prabu Deva’s case…married for 15 long years and with three children what now draws him to someone a good 11 years his junior?

Is it possible to logically analyze the feelings of love? Tabu who hasn’t sought any relationship beyond that of Nag’s, still will not bear him a child as the child will not have social sanction. And especially in the Indian context, one feels incomplete without a child to make up a family. Your heart does go out to Tabu when you see the emotional investment that a relationship involves. It must not be easy for Nag either to see her get married to someone else. But when you think of Amala…how do you justify these actions? Is something called ‘Love’ really the binding factor for marriage? Is that what keeps a relationship going? Then when does a person realize what’s really love? Wasn’t it love that bound Nag-Amala? Is love just a convenience? Someone you are attracted to till you find someone better? I find this quite bewildering and too complex to analyze.

If being in love gives you such a warm feeling, that you want to do things to make someone’s life worth living, how is this wrong? Should one denounce marriage as an artificially created social binding and keep seeking that love which can only fill you with warmth? Why does one feel compelled to bow oneself to social sanctions? It’s easy to say that it’s wrong to seek an extra marital relationship. But when in love, how do you make your heart listen to your mind?

Relationships

Think of relationships….and what they mean….
You run behind relationships always thirsting for that single person who could make a difference but does such a person exist? You see people and there is the initial attraction and the so called falling in love…which is just an attraction of the physical…….nothing beyond that and when that passes, what’s left is a person whom you see after the haze has cleared up. You see him now warts and all… there are differences now…there are those unpleasant moments those times where u r too sapped to give more…perhaps that’s why it was thought that its easiest to give when you are younger; there’s more resilience more the want to give and with the adrenalin pumping, its easy to maintain those relationships.
But as you grow older and more rigid, there is the clash of the egos…sometimes too tired to keep giving... sometime wanting to sit back and receive to bask in the love of someone….is that love only an illusion?

A sucker for relationships!

All I want to say about relationships is said in this very beautiful song:

http://thebollywoodfan.blogspot.com/2008/08/pyaasa-lyrics-and-translation-tang-aa.html

Don't know why I attach so much importance to relationships! Anyways, they all suck after a while.

Married bliss

They say a picture speaks a thousand words. I do not know whether through this write- up I take away that magic, but I can’t stop myself from expressing the feelings that this picture evokes.

The picture itself is so simple but unleashes a plethora of thoughts. Two people sitting/lying down beside each other with their hands touching. Particularly noticeable are the wedding rings.

I feel this is the ultimate bliss in one’s life...just lying down besides one another…saying through this simple gesture that ‘I am with you’. This kind of companionship within the sanctity of marriage …what else can one wish for?

People may say that one becomes stronger by taking on the world alone... this may be true but the emotional strength one stands to gain by this assurance that there is someone with you is unsurpassed.

As I write this, I can’t help but feel that perhaps I destroy some magic created by the picture and my words are inadequate to match up to the strong feelings that the picture evokes.