Being in your 40s

In your 40s you aren’t really that old but definitely not young anymore. You are at that anvil of life where you start realizing that your efforts have been directed rightly or wrongly. You are at that juncture where turning back and making a fresh start is difficult. So much water has passed by. Either in relationships or career, you are set on a path. All that can be done is either seek improvements on the chosen path or keep making compromises. You are at that juncture where on one hand you feel sad at things left unachieved, yet glad that you still are physically strong enough to do things on your own. You still earn and that adds to your feeling of self-esteem.

Dreading that age of 60, 70 or 80 where you become so fragile and infirm that you need someone to support you all the time. Can still achieve but feel frustrated at things which cannot be changed and now wishing that you had taken risks and chosen a path that you had desired, not succumbing to pressures of life. In the middle of life and from here things cannot be bettered…physically your health is only going to deteriorate. Imprisoned by these circumstances and making the best of what you have till it lasts…that’s what being 40 is about.

Tabu, Nag and Love

Read news of Tabu getting married to one business man sometime early next year. A piece of gossip? Yes…but what really caused an interest is that the 40 year old has been in love with the 51 years Nag for the last 14 years!

When one thinks of marriage, one can only ruminate on what it means…no other living being is bound with such ties except the human being. Is it love that binds two in marriage? If yes, then why does one tire of the relationship? Nagarjuna was married once. I am not aware of the circumstance of his first marriage but the second one with Amala was surely one of love. Marrying her and bearing a child with her, what then drew him to Tabu while making the film “Ninne Pelladutha?”

A feeling of sympathy persists when you look at it from the wife’s perspective. The drama being drawn out in Prabu Deva’s case…married for 15 long years and with three children what now draws him to someone a good 11 years his junior?

Is it possible to logically analyze the feelings of love? Tabu who hasn’t sought any relationship beyond that of Nag’s, still will not bear him a child as the child will not have social sanction. And especially in the Indian context, one feels incomplete without a child to make up a family. Your heart does go out to Tabu when you see the emotional investment that a relationship involves. It must not be easy for Nag either to see her get married to someone else. But when you think of Amala…how do you justify these actions? Is something called ‘Love’ really the binding factor for marriage? Is that what keeps a relationship going? Then when does a person realize what’s really love? Wasn’t it love that bound Nag-Amala? Is love just a convenience? Someone you are attracted to till you find someone better? I find this quite bewildering and too complex to analyze.

If being in love gives you such a warm feeling, that you want to do things to make someone’s life worth living, how is this wrong? Should one denounce marriage as an artificially created social binding and keep seeking that love which can only fill you with warmth? Why does one feel compelled to bow oneself to social sanctions? It’s easy to say that it’s wrong to seek an extra marital relationship. But when in love, how do you make your heart listen to your mind?